


So I close my eyes and you are all that's in my mind

by pseudofoucault333



Series: Seperation Anxiety Trilogy [1]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Developing Relationship, M/M, Medical Kink, Never listen to Jim Kirk's relationship advice, Power Imbalance, Relationship Advice, Teen Angst, Underage Character, Unrequited Love, disciplinary action, star fleet's regulations are for shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-02 03:19:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy has been single since his divorce and yet finally a Russian ensign gets under his radar.But before the two of them can settle into any kind of bliss Starfleet interject and send them to seperate ends of the galaxy. But are either of them wiling to give up so easily on their feelings and needs for each other. </p><p>Written for Star Trek Big Bang '09</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Denial is a river in Egypt

**Title:** So I close my eyes and you are all that's in my mind   
**Author:** **lovin_torture**   
**Rating:** R -NC17  
 **Pairing:** McCoy/Chekov  
 **POV:** alt.  
 **Summary:** Leonard McCoy has been single since his divorce and yet finally a Russian ensign gets under his radar.But before the two of them can settle into any kind of bliss Starfleet interject and send them to seperate ends of the galaxy. But are either of them wiling to give up so easily on their feelings and needs for each other.   
**Disclaimer:** Title © black river drive, all the characters etc belong to Gene Roddenberry  & kinda J.J Abrams, Plot mostly based on fiction…i.e not real….but a girl can wish<3   
**Author Notes:** Written for **startrekbigbang** and my first time writing star trek. Comments etc really appreciated. Beta'd by **pylarwoman** :) 

Spending so much time on the Enterprise, it was often obvious that there was going to be couples dotted everywhere, even though the rules about some of those couples were more than obvious, especially the more self explanatory ones like not sleeping with the younger crew members. It was easier with some crew members than others, of course. And then there was Doctor McCoy who had pretty much become celibate since his divorce. There were many rumors regarding that celibacy, of course, but no one had the guts to ask him if any of them were true. Well no one but the Captain, of course.

“You know there’s a rumor floating around the crew that you’re beginning to have pedophilic tendencies,” Kirk said one evening while sitting in the mess with his friend, who glared at him from behind the PADD he was looking at.

“What? They’re bound to come up with crazy ideas when you haven’t been seen fucking anyone either on the ship or off,” Kirk said, raising his hands up defensively and only just managing to dodge the apple slice McCoy threw at him.

“Maybe the rest of the crew should stop being such bloody gossips,” glowered McCoy, shoving the plate of remaining apple slices in Kirk’s direction.

“Bones, I’m being your friend when I say this, but I think you should maybe just give into the urge just once. Maybe then all their questions and rumors would stop and you could be left to your respectable and yet daunting peace.” Kirk sighed, picking up one of the apple slices and looking it over as though to make sure it wasn’t dipped in poison.

“Dammit, Jim, I honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass what they think of me or my lack of sexual activity. I just want to concentrate on my work, is that too much to ask for?” Bones said, finally giving up altogether on concentrating on his reading and turning his attention back to the remainder of his meal, which consisted of a handful of peas, half a potato and what could have easily been cabbage if the color wasn’t bright orange.

“But even you have to admit…it’s not healthy to go so long without having sexual release,” said Kirk raising an eyebrow.

“This from the guy whose cock never goes down,” sighed McCoy, downing the peas and potato but playing with the ‘cabbage’.

“I can’t help it if my sexual appetite is more than healthy.”

“Uh huh, more like the kind of healthy which is only possible if you have a series of aphrodisiacs flowing through your blood stream continuously?” McCoy growled irritably as he pushed his tray forward and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Still something to think about, ok Bones?” Kirk asked, downing the apple slice as he was hailed over the ship’s com.

“Think but not act on, sure. Now bugger off to the bridge before I throw more than apple at you.” 

Kirk gave him a charming grin as he grabbed his tray and went to clean up before leaving, yet even as he did so McCoy could feel the crowd of eyes resting over his figure as the whispers followed. He was more than used to the rumors and the snarky comments that seemed to follow him; it had been the same since he was in the Academy. Many girls and even a few guys, had tried to pick him up during that time but he had always managed to come up with reasons to cancel, and even those who wished to fuck him just to say they had, had been kept at arm’s length. He knew his ex had long since moved on, he had been at their wedding with much reluctance but could remember jack shit, while Jim kept telling him it was logical for him to do the same thing [He really did need to stop hanging around the goblin so much], he couldn’t find the will or even the need to do so.

Besides who in their right mind would want to be with him? He wasn’t exactly the hottest guy on the ship, hell he’d known Jim would get that prize no questions asked, and aside from being CMO and having the largest liquor cabinet under his bunk he was just another old bastard in a blue uniform.

Finally, though admittedly reluctantly, McCoy gathered up his tray and PADD and cleaned up before walking out of the mess, ignoring the whispers from those he passed as he walked down the corridor to the medical bay. Thankfully it was empty, no red shirts with life threatening injuries, no ensigns suffering the effects of fatigue and no certain Captains with sexually transmitted diseases. It was a first and definitely something he was looking forward to enjoying. 

He brushed past Chapel into his office and locked the door as his PADD hit his desk with a clunk. He pulled a bottle of whiskey from his desk and downed a mouthful straight from the bottle without bothering to check the label, raking his fingers through his hair. He then left the bottle standing on the desk beside him as he folded his arms and rested his forehead against the crossed forearms, trying to stop Jim’s words from echoing around in his head.  
Why did that damned bastard have to be right? If only he wasn’t right in more than one sense.


	2. Emotion is as fragile as the truth

Pavel Chekov wasn’t exactly the type who subscribed to the ship’s grape vine but that didn’t mean he didn’t hear half of the things that were being said and if he missed the juicy bits Sulu always managed to fill him in. Still, when it came to the things regarding the ship’s CMO he didn’t believe any of them, though Sulu was sure that that was because he was biased. But despite how hard he tried, Pavel denied that he felt or thought of McCoy as anything other than the chief medical officer, though that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested. On the inside he probably thought about McCoy more than he would admit. Even while at the helm he’d sit and think of the last time he’d seen the doctor, whether it was walking past him in the corridor, glimpses of him in the Mess or, if he got desperate, his last medical. But he would never let anyone know because he knew what they would think of him. The age gap between them was huge in the eyes of Starfleet and there were rules about getting involved with underage cadets. Of course he never thought much about it because in his head he was just as old as the senior crew members, yet he was sure McCoy wouldn’t see it that way.  
Unfortunately today seemed like the day he was going to get to see the doctor in one and one proximity. 

It had been a crappy day so far for the ensign, waking up late for the Alpha shift on the helm, not getting to the mess in time for the good food and nearly being tripped over by some engineering crew. So when he ended up burning his hand on the helm, because the navigator from the previous shift was obviously straight out of the academy and didn’t know how sentimental the equipment was, he felt like banging his head against the nearest wall.

Immediately Sulu told him to go off to the medical bay, that he would cover for him since the Captain and First Officer were in a meeting. He gave his friend a thankful look as he left the helm to wrap a damp towel around his hand before going to the medical bay. When he arrived, Nurse Chapel seemed run off her feet and there was no sign of the Doctor which couldn’t be a good sign. Instead of bothering Chapel, who was trying to sort out an order of importance with five red shirts, Pavel dared to do what no one else appeared to have thought of, to try the door of the Doctor’s office. He tried the door knob and frowned at the knowledge it was locked. 

“Doctor McCoy?” Pavel asked, rattling the door knob a few more times, taking a glance over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t noticed. He knocked and tried the door knob a few more times, about to give up when the door opened. The Doctor didn’t look too good or happy; he looked like Pavel felt after a night of downing vodka in his room.

“Ensign…..is there a reason you’re knocking on my door? Can’t Nurse Chapel help you?” McCoy asked irritably as he rubbed his blood shot eyes.

“Zorry, zir, I just noticed she vas already busy so I thought I vould try you,” Pavel said, his gaze down on the linoleum floor to avoid meeting the older man’s as his complexion flushed.

“Ah..so she is. Ok, come on in, Ensign…” the doctor sighed, leaving the door open as he disappeared inside.

Pavel paused in the doorway as he watched the doctor stow a bottle of whiskey in a drawer and, while he knew he should probably leave the doctor to sober up, he had dug his grave so he might as well lie in it.

He walked in cautiously as McCoy pulled out his PADD and a basic kit.

“What’s the problem then, Ensign?” McCoy asked as Pavel hoisted himself up on the bench.

“I burned my hand on an overheated panel, zir…” Pavel said quietly, offering McCoy the hand bundled up in the drying towel.

McCoy began to grumble at being woken up because of a burn under his breath but set to work.

The Russian gritted his teeth at the feel of the towel being peeled from blistering skin and let it rest in midair as McCoy pulled some antiseptic cream and bandages from the kit on his desk. He watched patiently on those few moments where the doctor paused to get his wits about him again but soon he felt fingers covered in cream grazing the burn soothingly, causing a chill to run through the Ensign’s arm. He kept his gaze on the ground so the doctor wouldn’t see him blush or know how the touch, which was so gentle, was affecting him though the silence between them was awkward. Soon there was a bandage wrapped over the creamed area and a tube of cream pushed into the Ensign’s hand.

“Change the dressing every day, apply cream twice a day and if you have any problems come back. Otherwise I’ll see you in a week to check how it’s healing,” McCoy said, accessing Pavel’s record on the computer and typing up a quick report and a reminder for the appointment.

“Thank you, zir,” Pavel said softly, sliding down from the bench and slipping the cream into his pants pocket.

“Sure sure, kid, now why don’t you go back to the Helm and put up with one of the Captain’s overly dramatic stories like a good ensign?” McCoy sighed.

“Actually zir, I vas vondering if I could ask you zomething…?” Pavel asked, his heart racing in his chest like he could hardly believe he was going to go through with it. When he had been making his way there he hadn’t exactly expected he would find the nerve.

“Medical something or other something?” McCoy asked, sinking back into his seat behind his desk, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he leaned back and tilted his head up to face the ceiling in the hopes it would help to sooth his hangover.

“Other, zir.”

McCoy sighed like it was a big burden to try and be patient with a patient when he was still obviously suffering from intoxication.

“Sure but be quick….I have stuff to do.”

“I vas vondering….if….you’re doing anything tomorrow night.”

The Doctor’s eyes didn’t widen like he had expected, he just seemed to sink even deeper into his chair and bury his head in his hands.

“As you were, Ensign.” 

“Not vithout an answer.”

“Shouldn’t that give you my answer….?”

“Nyet….you haven’t zaid the vords.”

McCoy glared at him through his fingers and Pavel shrunk towards the door cautiously.  
“I’ll ask again at breakfast vhen you’re thinking more clearly,” the Russian said, leaning against the door frame.

“It’ll still be more or less the same.” 

“I’ll take my chances,” he said softly, before walking out of the office.

His heart was racing as he walked back towards the helm; the burned skin under the bandages still tingled at the touch of the Doctor’s rough calloused finger tips. His mind seemed to wander in reminiscence and soon his whole body was practically buzzing at what those fingers would feel like on other parts of him. A red shirt barging past pulled him out of those thoughts and he sighed as he walked into the helm. He felt the Captain and Mr. Spock both give him questioning looks as he took his seat and gave Sulu a smile before pushing his mind back into business mode.


	3. I can't fight this feeling anymore

_“I vas vondering….if….you’re doing anything tomorrow night.”_

McCoy groaned once he was sure the Russian was gone. Part of him was sure Jim was behind this and he was definitely going to confront him about it, he had no right to push someone so young on him. 

Admittedly he was surprised the Ensign had the nerve to get his attention when everyone in the crew, even Jim, knew if his door was locked he didn’t want to be disturbed and that anyone who did would be served his fatal wrath at their next physical. Still, the spark that flowed through his skin when it had been in contact with the ensign’s skin was enough to pull him out of his alcohol plagued mind, not to mention cause a sense of want to flow through him. 

The doctor reluctantly got up to help Nurse Chapel though there was only a few red shirts with minimal injuries and the look she gave him plainly said she could deal like she knew he had been drinking. So he ventured out the medical bay to find Jim, to give him a piece of his mind.

After searching the Helm, where he did a quick detour when he spotted the Russian ensign at his work space, and the mess with no luck, with much reluctance he decided to try his quarters. His patience was wearing so thin that he didn’t stop to knock even though he heard the tell tale signs of his friend occupying a guest. He leaned against the door frame as the door slid open to reveal a disheveled Kirk standing before him, his hair a mess, blue eyes still bright with arousal and torso covered in bites and scratches with a pair of boxers on. McCoy looked over his shoulder to see Spock in his friend’s bed, hurriedly pulling the sheets over his bare form to hide his vulnerable state from prying eyes.

He raised an eyebrow at Kirk, who glared at him with malice.

“Bones, what the hell?” he said, through gritted teeth as his eyes narrowed.

“I need to speak to you outside. Sooner this is over the sooner you can continue entertaining your guest.”

Kirk looked back at Spock, who seemed to be stressing at the lack of the Captain’s skin, before sighing and nodding. He gave his bedmate a reassuring smile before slipping out into the corridor.

“What’s so important you had to interrupt my meeting?” he asked, raking his fingers through his hair as he leaned against the cold metal wall.

“You. Getting involved in my personal life. When I distinctly told you not to.”

“What? When did I…..” the blond asked, confusion on his features as he crossed his arms over his chest against the cold.

“When you pushed a certain Russian Ensign to ask me out,” McCoy growled irritably, at the supposed dumb act. He got sicker of the act every time it was used on him, like he was one of the bimbos that Jim has used his big blue eyes on to coax them into his bed.

“What?” Kirk asked, his eyes wide and his body tensing up a little at the information.

“You didn’t know? Because honestly, Jim, I find that hard to believe.”

“No, I didn’t know! I haven’t spoken to Chekov since my last shift when I asked him why there was a bandage on his hand.”

“You’re being serious?”

“YES!”

“Crap,” the doctor grumbled, leaning against the wall opposite the one Kirk was using.

“So wait…..he seriously asked you out? What did you say?” The captain grinned smugly, almost as though he had forgotten he’d left his First Officer in his bed.

“What do you think I said, Jim? He’s seventeen, for god’s sake! I can’t date, fuck or even contemplate seeing someone _that_ young!”

“But from the way you’re talking you want to.”

“No, I don’t! That’s just crazy!”

“Is it? Admit it, Bones, the thought of him sucking you off or you being able to fuck him gets you hard. And you’re trying to come up with reasons to say no other than the age gap because of what people will think. Well, news flash, no one will be watching you fuck! No-one will know unless you tell them and, to be honest, I doubt that, regardless of the rumors surrounding you, anyone would be interested.”

“But he’s seventeen! He’s practically a child and it’s not like he’s asked to fuck me, he wants to date me. _Me_ dating someone that young is a bad idea, period.”

“Why?”

“Jim haven’t you met me? Haven’t you seen my history and heard my horror stories? I can’t subject him to that!”

Kirk walked across the hall to stand beside him and rest a reassuring hand on his shoulder.  
“It would only be a date. With someone that young, the need for sex when they are floating around in space is going to be stronger than the need to do the whole mushy dating thing. You just need to learn to be flexible.”

“Maybe too flexible if I start dating a hormonal teenager.”

“Oi, smartass, just try it. You never know.” 

“Yeah, yeah. See you at breakfast….and give Spock my regards and apologies. I don’t think I can manage to say sorry while he’s naked under your sheets.”

“Uh huh. About that…next time you hear the bed rocking, for fuck’s sakes leave us alone. He’s skittish enough as it is about us being together.”

“Yeah. Have fun…..I have an ensign to go visit,” McCoy muttered as he walked down the corridor, leaving Kirk to vanish back into his quarters to his waiting Vulcan.

Yet as McCoy walked towards the Ensign’s quarters on the other side of the ship he could feel apprehension flowing through his body. Dating a teenager wasn’t a good idea. Deep inside, he knew it and neither was using said teenager to advance his sex drive which was none existent, and yet something about the curls and the big eyes had his body screaming “YES!” He just wished his mind felt the same way

*~*

It had been a long and trying day for Pavel, trying to navigate and continue on between the usual projects he worked on and being called to the helm with a bandaged hand in an awkward angle. Finally his shift was told to call it a night by the Captain before he and First Officer Spock disappeared and he thankfully got to his feet as the bandage began to irritate the blistering skin. He began the walk with Sulu towards their quarters, though as they were yakking on the way Sulu suddenly stopped, causing Pavel to raise an eyebrow.

“Pavel.”

The ensign followed where his friend was looking to see a rather disgruntled looking Doctor McCoy leaning against the wall beside his door, like he had been waiting for the ensign to appear for about an hour. 

“I’ll zee you for breakfast in a few hours Hikaru?” Pavel asked with a smile, his gaze moving over the doctor’s figure as he spoke.

“Er…..sure,” Sulu said, the confusion still written on his features as he carried on walking down the corridor to his own quarters.

“Doctor McCoy…I didn’t expect to zee you here…outside my quarters,” Pavel said unsurely, as though making sure the Doctor knew it was his and not someone else’s door. He waited until he heard Sulu’s door close before opening his own.

McCoy grumbled in response but didn’t move away from the door until it was opened, following the ensign inside. He leaned against the inner wall nearest the door in case he got the urge to make a run for it. The young Russian could feel his eyes boring into his frame as he began to undo the dressing on his hand, though it was kind of hard to do with one hand.  
After watching him struggle for a few minutes the doctor sighed as he pushed him down into the chair at his desk and took over.

“Is this the only reason you came?” Pavel asked softly, watching the doctor’s movements.

“No. Hold still,” McCoy murmured irritably, unwrapping the bandage and taking the cream Pavel had left on his bed.

“Then if you don’t mind me asking, zir…vat are you doing here?” Pavel asked, his gaze on the ground as the familiar sensation of McCoy’s skin brushing his occurred.

“I needed to answer the question you asked in my office,” McCoy said softly, his gaze flicking from Pavel’s burn to the other man’s eyes for a second before continuing.

“Really? I thought I’d have to vait a few more hours,” the Russian said curiously, suspicion plaguing his young eyes.

“Yes, well….I’ve had some time to think about it and talk to the Captain to make sure he didn’t have any objections or have some impact on it….”

“….vhich I vould have assured you of had you asked me to begin vith,” the Russian interjected.

“True. Anyway after all that, I’ve decided that I’m doing nothing tonight….and if the offer is still open….I’ll go out with you.”

A bright smile lit up the younger man’s face and McCoy paused to bathe in its glow for a moment before turning back to putting cream on the burn.

“I’ll look forward to it, zir.” The ensign smiled, biting his lip slyly as McCoy continued, trying not to add his own excitement and nerves to the mix.


	4. We Were Amazing

“So you said yes?” Jim grinned as he sat across the table from the doctor, who was picking at his muesli, which tasted a bit too much like straw for comfort, with his head on one hand.

“Yes...” McCoy murmured, praying no one else had heard since the Captain seemed to be in one of those overly hyper moods where his voice got a little bit too loud.

“Nice one, Bones! I’m sure you won’t regret it.” Kirk smiled, leaning his head on Spock’s shoulder as the Vulcan sat beside him, though he froze with obvious confusion about how to act towards such a gesture.

“I’m hoping not. Jim…Spock.” McCoy sighed, hoping Jim got the hint without him having to stand on his friend’s toes yet again. For the past half hour the Captain had been touching the Commander in intimate ways which he obviously wasn’t used to. Unfortunately he’d have to get used to it, Jim could be very touchy feely.

“Huh? Oh sorry, Spock.” Jim smiled, kissing the Vulcan’s cheek before pushing himself back into his seat.

“No problem, Captain.” Spock said with a small smile, though the tension in his body eased once his lover was back in his own seat.

“Where is your Prince Charming anyway, Bones?” Kirk asked, his gaze moving around the mess in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the young ensign.

“I don’t know…I’m not his keeper. And not a word of this, Jim, no embarrassing him or me or your neck becomes a hypospray pin cushion at your next physical. I mean it!”

“I’m insulted you don’t trust me, Bones,” Jim said in mock shock, causing McCoy to roll his eyes.

“I’ve known you since the academy, Jim, I obviously have my reasons.” The doctor sighed, finally pushing his barely touched bowl forward and leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed.

“Ooooh, there he is! ENSIGN! Over here!” Jim called, causing McCoy to groan and bury his face in his hands as Chekov and Sulu entered the mess.

“I’m going to use your neck as a pin cushion and then kill you, Jim!” he hissed through gritted teeth, glaring at the blond while Spock seemed to be trying to repress a smirk which wasn’t successful and earned him a glare for his troubles.

“Is zere zomething I can help you vith Keptin?” Chekov asked anxiously, his gaze straying in McCoy’s direction just slightly.

“No, I was just thinking you and Sulu should join us,” Jim said with his prize-winning smile that turned most people into stuttering masses of incoherent sentences. However with the Ensign it seemed he was immune due to the Doctor’s presence. McCoy only had to look at him to see that Jim’s charm wasn’t working and that was definitely impressive.

“Er….only if it’s ok vith you, Doctor McCoy?” Chekov asked, ignoring the Captain’s big blue eyes turning his attention to the doctor’s disinterested brown.

“Er….sure, Ensign. Pull up some chairs.” McCoy smiled.

The brightness of his smile seemed to make the young ensign blush as he and Sulu put their trays down and pulled up two chairs.

As Jim tried to get details out of Chekov about their date that night, McCoy could feel the younger male’s gaze locked on him like he was running an inventory of his features to make the Captain’s questions more bearable. It seemed acceptable until he felt him trying to meet his gaze and knew he had to make his exit before he found himself saying or doing something before their date.

“I should probably get back to the medical bay to relieve Chapel of the influx of redshirts. I’ll see ya, Jim….Ensign, come to my office before our….date, yeah?”

“Zure, doctor.” Chekov smiled.

“See ya, Bones.” Jim grinned, watching his friend blush as he gathered his bowl and resisted the urge to throw it over his head as he passed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It only seemed like minutes in the medical bay before Chekov appeared hesitantly in the door way as McCoy was working on a Cadet’s broken leg. All the injuries seemed to come from engineering. Didn’t they have safety practices or something?

“Quit whining and hold still,” McCoy growled as the cadet tried to wriggle around like a hyper six year old on sugar who wanted to run around like a headless chicken. “It wouldn’t hurt so much if you’d let me hypospray you to begin with.” 

Soon the leg was wrapped up and McCoy was throwing his gloves into the garbage disposal. He noticed his date leaning against the wall.

“Chekov, wow, is it close to that time already?” McCoy asked, leading the way into the office, the ensign following eagerly.

“Da, though being this is zocial wisit maybe it vould be better if you called me Pavel?”

“Oh right….sorry, it’s just been a while since I’ve done the whole ‘date’ thing.” McCoy sighed, pulling his blue uniform shirt over his head as he went to change behind a screen.

“And vat do I call you, zir?” Pavel asked cautiously, trying not to watch McCoy’s silhouette against the screen as he stripped off his pants. It was too much temptation for his teenage hormones.

“Leonard….though most variations are fine…” McCoy said, pulling a shirt over his head and reaching for some pants on a chair behind the screen.

“Is Leo ok?” Pavel asked, watching the figure behind the screen pause in thought, his pants open over his hips.

“Sure,” he said softly, doing up his pants and checking himself in the mirror. He emerged from the screen and felt Pavel’s gaze move over his figure as if taking in the view of him out of the regulation clothing.

“So where are we going for this date then Ch… Pavel?” he asked, ignoring how a flow of want echoed through every inch of his body at the feel of the name on his lips.

“My room.” Pavel smiled coyly, though immediately he regretted his response as he realized what he was implying.

“Wait, what?!” McCoy asked, his eyes widening. Maybe Jim was right, that teenagers were only after the sex, yet while the thought was definitely pleasing he wanted to call it off. But the Russian seemed able to read the objection.

“No listen, zir….I mean Leonard…I’ve got zome good food from the mess and zome vhiskey vhich I know you enjoy,” Pavel said reassuringly.

“Sounds like a grand night but….let’s have it at mine, yeah?” 

“But…I…I asked you zo…..”

“I know you did but if anything happens…..not that anything should….but if it does my quarters are more private.” McCoy smiled softly, hoping it would persuade the younger male to see his way.

“I….I guess that makes more zense.” Pavel nodded.

“Great, you go get the food and things and meet at mine soon, ok?” McCoy asked, pressing a chaste kiss to the Russian’s cheek before leading the way out of his office.

He made it to his quarters quickly to clean up; he never realized how messy it was until someone decided to turn up, mostly Jim when he wanted to drink himself into a stupor, but Jim was just Jim. Now that there was the prospect of someone else coming in he was practically a mass of nerves. He knew it was a first date and first dates, if he remembered correctly, were like a first impressions kind of deal which meant if he wanted the Russian in his life, despite how much he wanted to deny it, he would have to be on his best behaviour.

He threw clothes under his bed and shelved various PADDS in a random order which he knew he’d curse himself for later, while cleaning his desk. He paused when he saw the picture of his daughter on his bedside table and swallowed as he turned it upside down. If anything did happen between him and Pavel he didn’t want the thoughts of Joanna to taint it. He’d finished making his bed when he heard the chime from the door. He took a moment to breathe before opening it. Pavel appeared with a large tray in hand, of southern fried chicken and a basic selection of vegetables as well as a couple of slices of Pecan pie covering the plates with a bottle of Jack Daniels. 

“I really like the way you think, Pavel.” He smiled, moving to one side to let him in.

~**~

It started off as most first dates do, with basic details though McCoy knew most of it about Pavel but let himself indulge the younger male over their meal. Every once in a while he’d find himself watching Pavel lick his fingers and his body seemed to explode with the reaction “JUMP HIM! JUMP HIM NOW!” He could swear the younger male was doing it on purpose but kept his mind on the conversation. It turned from family and history to hobbies and interests and McCoy would smile as he watched him get especially enthusiastic about something. He felt like such a bore compared to the brilliant young mind beside him but even when he voiced that thought aloud, Pavel would shake his head and assure him that learning about McCoy was as interesting as learning a new equation, but the doctor refused to believe him.

By the time they started their dessert and opened the Jack Daniels it seemed like the awkwardness had past and they were just reliving some old academy stories from Pavel being hit on by his tactics professor to McCoy’s escapades with the Captain, including the time he had to pull an all-nighter with Jim when he had been set to fail his exams. 

Yet the mood seemed to change the more whiskey was consumed, thus resulting in McCoy’s mind wandering into explicit territory on a first date. That wasn’t helped by Pavel’s body getting closer and touching him drunkenly.

Soon McCoy’s mind got the better of him as his hand grazed a pattern over the other male’s cheek with his thumb, edging closer as their gazes met. He waited for the Russian to say no or to push him away but when neither happened his mouth closed the gap between them. It started only as a soft brush of lips which got deeper as mouths opened and tongues played, indulging in the taste of the other and the lingering bitterness of Jack Daniels. Somewhere along the way Pavel was rolled on to his back with McCoy above him, legs either side of his hips, leaning over him and doing whatever it took to keep the addictive touch and taste between them flowing.

“Um…..Leo….ve need…..ve must…ztop,” Pavel gasped between kisses even as his hands ran up and down McCoy’s back, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“No…..not yet…..” McCoy moaned, grazing their hips together and causing the younger male to writhe and moan beneath him.

“Da…..please. This isn’t right…”

McCoy managed to grab one more kiss before pushing himself up and straightening up in his lap.

“What do you mean this isn’t right?” 

“I...that didn’t come out right…”

“Oh, it came out just right which is funny when you were the one who came after me. So how can this not be what you want?”

“Leonard, that isn’t vat I meant. This is still a first date between us….I usually vait a few more dates before I go any further. Please….don‘t be mad.”

McCoy pushed himself off the Russian without a word and walked into the bathroom, leaving Pavel laid on the bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands to assure himself that he had done the right thing.

He could hear the sound of the faucet running and pushed himself up off the mattress to hover in the doorway as the doctor washed his face continually with cold water like he was trying to regain his control. It was like an obsessive pattern, cupped hands beneath the tap gathering water and then splashing it on his face barely giving himself time to breathe before the hands were back under the tap.

“Leonard….”

“I think you should go,” McCoy murmured as he paused for a second to give himself time to breathe while the water drops descended down his features into the sink.

“Nyet…..I….”

“Just go. I’ll let you know.”

Pavel’s shoulders sank as his eyes screwed closed for a moment like he was praying this was just a nightmare or a joke but when they opened he retreated into the quarters to gather the plates on the tray as well as the remains of the Jack Daniels…..the drink he knew he wouldn’t be able to touch again without thinking of the elder man and what happened that night. He left with the slide of the door behind him, leaving McCoy to clench his hands over the edge of the counter either side of the sink and sigh as he looked at himself in the mirror as the all too familiar words echoed in his mind.

Dirty old man.


	5. Please try to understand

The next few days Pavel didn’t see or hear anything from Dr. McCoy and his heart seemed to sink deeper and deeper into his stomach. While his gut instinct said he’d done the right thing by sticking to his morals and denying the Doctor the right to fuck him he also knew that if he’d said yes he wouldn’t feel so miserable or be worrying that he had completely ruined everything before it even started.

It seemed like everyone was noticing his decrease in mood, even the Captain who, from the looks of it, had been talking to McCoy since the disaster but each time he caught the ensign’s eyes he’d bite his lip and shrug like there wasn’t anything either of them could do, which was something Pavel didn’t believe at all. But by the fifth day his heart honestly couldn’t take any more silence. 

He set out to find him once he finished his shift and it seemed that either the doctor had seen him and taken a run in the opposite direction or he had a good hiding spot. He searched the medical bay first with no luck, though Nurse Chapel said he had taken the night shift and emergencies only instead of his usual shift, which was odd. No sign of him in the mess or the helm which he checked on the way to and from his last resort. The scene of the disaster. McCoy’s quarters.

He knocked, rung the chime, knocked some more and kicked the door a few times in frustration but got no response. He finally gave up and retreated to his own quarters, wanting to just break down, to cry like a child who wanted his mother.

Yet when he arrived, Sulu was hovering outside with a smile but at the dejected expression on his friend’s face it faded.

“Still no luck?”

Pavel shook his head and opened his door flopping on to his bed as he felt Sulu sit beside him.

“I’m sorry, Pavel, he obviously doesn’t realize how worth the wait you really are.” Sulu smiled, sitting beside him and brushing his curls from his face.

“I can’t just giwe up on him, Hikaru. I mean, his kiss….and the feel of him abowe me….I can’t forget that and honestly I don’t vant to,” Pavel murmured, reluctantly meeting his friend’s gaze.

“I know but what else can you do? I mean, there are other people who love you too, you know. Doctor McCoy isn’t worth the stress if he doesn’t love you.”

“But he does…..I felt it.”

“Ok….fine. I’m just saying…..two more days and then I’d give up if I were you. Unlike him, you’re young and you can’t wait around forever.” 

“Vait, vat?” Pavel asked, sitting up.

“I said you’re young...and he’s old.”

“Oh god!! Now I get it!” he exclaimed, pushing himself off the bed.

“Wait! What are you talking about?” Sulu asked, attempting to push himself off the bed to catch him in time.

“He thinks I don’t vant to be vith him physically because he’s older than me! That is zuch bullzhit!” Pavel cursed irritably as he rushed towards the door.

~**~

McCoy had been keeping his distance ever since the disaster of a night from the young ensign who’d turned him down. It wasn’t just a case of age necessarily, though admittedly he wouldn’t blame the seventeen year old for being put off due to that factor. It was more the wake up call, the fact there was no way he would be able to keep up with someone that age and that he was stupid for letting Jim persuade him to do it in the first place. He really should remember never to take his advice again.

Since then he’d changed his schedule so Pavel couldn’t find him. He changed to the night shift, never went to the helm and had begun asking the mess staff to send him his meals, which they hadn’t been too happy about to begin with but accepted, not daring to question it for fear of getting his infamous glare. But the mood he was in there was a good chance McCoy probably would have shrugged it off and just got Jim to talk them into it. Having said that, he hadn’t spoken to the captain since that night after getting under his skin with his damned advice. By avoiding Pavel it also seemed to make it easier for him to avoid his friend, but he knew it was too good to last.

One night a couple of days later he heard Jim’s voice on the other side of his door as he looked through some paperwork he had been putting off for a while, He had been keeping the door locked so no one could come in.

“Bones! I know you’re in there! I’ve looked everywhere else on the ship, so open the damned door!”

“I can’t. The urge to punch you in the face would be too hard to ignore.” McCoy sighed, turning his gaze back to the paperwork.

“Well, if that’s what you want to do then I can’t exactly stop you….but either way just open the damn door. I’d rather not have to bust it down.”

While normally McCoy would have taken great pleasure in hitting the captain on those rare moments the thought had entered his mind, part of him knew that Jim would be the only one who might be able to pull him out of his funk. He gave the command for the door to open from where he was sitting, staring at the memo on his screen and ignoring his friend’s presence. The blond edged uneasily into the room though he paused at the misery clearly written on his face.

“So….want to tell me how the date went?” Jim asked, closing the door behind him before sitting in the chair opposite his friend.

“Do I have to?”

“Your Prince Charming has been looking miserable, so I’m gonna go with yes.”

McCoy sighed as he met his friend’s blue gaze, though the expression on his face seemed to scream volumes to the younger male who picked it up in a heartbeat.

“Ouch….that bad?”

“Worse than bad…..awful.”

“What did you do?”

“Me? What makes you think I did anything?”

“Because. You aren’t the one I have to put up with sulking at the helm…though I’ve heard you switched your shifts and barely leave your quarters since. So whatever it was, it must have been pretty bad.”

“I might have let your words get to me a bit too much.” The doctor sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, that isn’t like you, Bones.” Kirk frowned, crossing his legs at the ankle before him.

“I tried to push him….to go further than he was ready for…then he kinda pushed me to stop. I told him to leave after…..I can’t stand to look at him again after I let my body’s sexual need get the better of me.” He sighed, picking at some loose stitching on his pants.

“Has he come looking for you?” Kirk asked quietly, not pressing how he had pushed the young ensign, as his words from before seemed to haunt him.

“I told him I’d let him know, but to be honest I don’t think I could look him in the eye again.”

“I doubt it’ll stop him from trying to see you. He seems like a very persistent kid.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of…you can’t let him persuade you to talk to me, Jim…I just need some time to come up with a plan.”

“I’m giving you a week….if you still won’t talk to him then you’re on your own.”

Reluctantly McCoy nodded, causing the captain’s seemingly stern look to soften.

“I’m sure no matter what you decide he’ll understand.”

Again McCoy nodded, only this time with a weak smile on his lips like he prayed it was the truth. 

Days passed of him staying in his quarters and filling his nights with shifts in the medical bay which, though quieter than during the day, still didn’t give him much time to think. He was often on his last nerve with the lack of good notes the day time staff left for him and it made him glad Pavel couldn’t see him this way. But that thought always made him remember why he was hiding in the first place.

Five days later he had been taking an early nap before his next shift, after a day filled with paperwork, when he heard the series of bangs at his door that he knew for a fact weren’t Jim’s. They sounded like a mixture of anger and desperation which instinctively screamed Pavel. Even though he knew the young ensign couldn’t see him, he found himself rolling on to his side so his back faced the door and curled up into a tight ball with his eyes screwed shut. He wanted to be able to look at the beautiful boyish features of the man he wanted as a lover, yet it was like part of him was sure if he did he wouldn’t be able to speak coherently, let alone control himself.

Soon the knocking stopped and he sighed in relief, praying that was the last of it that day. Two near misses would honestly be more than he could take. Yet, just as his mind was settling and his need for sleep was taking over, he heard another series of bangs that caused his eyes to shoot open, though they widened at the Russian tinted voice saying his name on the other side of the metal door.

“Leonard! I know you are in there! Open ze door!”

McCoy curled up tighter, trying to ignore it, but his heart seemed to be aching with every tinted vowel he heard.

“If you vould ztop being zuch a prick and let me explain you vould know it has nothing to do vith your age!”

The angry tone in his voice caused blood to collect in his groin and he tried to think of anything else, to stop him getting so hot and horny that he would open the door and practically jump the ensign. 

“LEONARD! OPEN ZE DAMNED DOOR!” Pavel yelled, making McCoy groan as he reluctantly got to his feet. He pulled a shirt over his head and opened the door to see a flushed and frustrated looking Pavel crossing his arms, with his pose screaming of irritation.

“When you’ve stopped making such a scene you can come in….” McCoy sighed, leaving the door open and retreating to his desk to pretend he hadn’t been moping.

The Russian followed him inside, waiting until the door was closed before approaching the desk.

“Vhy haven’t I zeen you at the mess or the medical bay? I had to zee a young intern about my healing burn because you have switched shifts,” Pavel said, though the anger was fading like being in the elder man’s presence was soothing for him, though it was a mystery to McCoy as to why.

“I have been busy with paperwork, Ensign, which was the reason for my shift change….nothing more,” he lied, not looking up from the memo he’d picked up despite reading it half a dozen times already that day.

“I don’t believe you!”

“I didn’t ask you to! Now if you’ve quite finished I have more work to do.”

He felt Pavel’s presence hovering over his shoulder, like he had that disastrous night, only this time determination seemed to be a key factor.

“If I hadn’t said nyet that night…..ve vouldn’t be in this situation, vould ve?” Pavel asked softly

McCoy said nothing, though it seemed to be a well known yet unspoken truth between them.

“You vould have fucked me hard on your bed and yet vhy do I have the feeling it vould have been a one off?” Pavel rambled like he wanted to make the elder male understand. 

“Because….that’s the reason I refused, Leonard, not the age gap….it doesn’t bother me really. I just hate being used like the captain uses Mr. Zpock.”

“The captain’s a force unto himself….besides I’m not like him. I don’t force or use people to get them into my bed, Ensign. And honestly, maybe I’m just beginning to think this is a bad idea.” McCoy shrugged, keeping his gaze on the screen so he didn’t have to see the hurt in the other male’s eyes.

“Vat? But….”

“You’re a great kid, Ensign, but I just don’t think I have what it takes to be with you as a boyfriend or a lover,” the elder lied, still keeping his gaze on the screen.

“Zat’s bullzhit!”

Immediately McCoy could tell there was going to be a fight and that was the last thing he wanted if this was potentially his last time in the other man’s presence. But just like the captain had said…..he was persistent and seemed to be willing to do anything to make sure McCoy knew what he wanted.

“You can’t just expect me to forget vat happened, how it felt to kiss you….and be so close to you,” Pavel said, desperation etched into the anger in his voice.

“Pavel….please….” McCoy really couldn’t believe he was actually begging this kid to leave him alone and to just accept his reason, when his old bastard act would probably get rid of him a whole lot faster with fewer questions being asked.

“No! I’m looking in your eyes now and I don’t zee the truth….you vant me but you have zo many insecurities that you can’t let yourself be vith zomeone even if they vant you.”

McCoy closed his eyes and rolled his lips, which was when he heard the silence and felt Pavel’s hand on his shoulder turning the chair around to face him.

“Leonard….please open your eyes….”

The anger was gone and the beautiful voice he’d heard that night, minus the drunken slur, echoed in his ears making him respond, doing as he requested and reluctantly opening his eyes. The Russian was standing before him, hands resting either side of the back of his chair, his beautiful entrancing eyes not far from his own and his lips even closer.

It was only a soft kiss but it seemed to melt his aching heart just a little bit more even though it felt good. But McCoy refused to let his body do what it wanted, to pull him into his lap, rest his hands on his neck to make it deepen because he was afraid a repeat would happen and he wasn’t sure he could take another rejection. But it was like he didn’t need to; Pavel seemed to take it as a good sign that his lips were responding as he deepened it of his own accordance.

Those lips were a weapon in their own right and McCoy knew they’d be used against him all the time if he let this continue, but honestly he didn’t mind. His eyes opened when Pavel pulled back for air and he smiled as the ensign’s hands slid over his thighs to part them. He looked questioningly at the younger male as he leaned above him with his body against his own.

“Leonard…” The sound of his name in that accent had a chill running through his body as his arms wrapped around his neck and crushed their lips together. The groan of want from the younger man vibrated in his mouth and it took so much effort to not respond to it. To not get up and steer him by the hips to his bed but this time he didn’t want to ruin it.

“Leo!” This time it was a cry for more as his lips detoured down that slender neck.

“Pavel…” he murmured greedily against his skin, causing him to arch into his touch.

The groan from the other male had him so close, inching close to the edge of want but finally he pried his lips from the addictive skin and met Pavel’s beautiful eyes blown with arousal, making them so intoxicating.

“I don’t think I can hold back much longer….” he murmured, grazing a calloused thumb over the ensign’s chin.

“You zure you don’t mind vaiting?” Pavel asked softly, though his voice seemed to break as though his own body was aching with restraint.

“To be honest…I’d be jumping you on my bed right now if I knew it was what you wanted, but I can understand your need to wait.” McCoy smiled softly, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

Pavel smiled as he cuddled up to McCoy’s chest. The doctor knew if anyone walked in he’d never live it down, but this time it was the last thing on his mind. He also knew that at that moment he felt like one of the luckiest bastards in the world.


	6. And it kills me....

After the talk between them things seemed to settle down between the doctor and the ensign, but to everyone except the Captain and Sulu it was a secret unknown. Pavel had assured his boyfriend he wouldn’t tell anyone else and yet, despite the elder male’s assurance that he could tell whoever he wanted, it became obvious he appreciated it wasn’t part of the ship’s grapevine. Of course Kirk began to push for a double date with him and Spock, which was highly unlikely to begin with, but McCoy continued to say no. He barely felt comfortable being in Spock’s presence as it was after what he had seen, but in a socially forced context he doubted he would able to handle it and he doubted Pavel would either. Still the captain could be a pest when he didn’t get what he wanted.

“Dammit, Jim, for the ninth time, NO!” McCoy cursed as he pushed a hypospray into the neck of the wrong patient due to his distraction.

“Aww, come on, Bones, you need to show you know who off, he deserves that much.”

Christine raised an eyebrow at the captain’s comment as she appeared to change a dressing for a restless patient beside them, causing McCoy to glare at her and drag Kirk into his office by the wrist.

“Pavel and I have agreed to take things at our own SLOW pace,” McCoy growled as he closed the door to his office behind his young friend before sitting in his chair and restraining the urge to pull out something alcoholic. “Besides, double dating with you and the goblin would be awkward.”

“You still not over the whole him in nothing but a sheet thing?” Kirk asked, raising an eyebrow as he sunk into the chair opposite and started picking at his cuticles.

“The mental image refuses to leave me alone.” McCoy sighed, shaking his head.

“You ever thought of maybe…..I don’t know….replacing it with certain mental images of your Prince Charming?”

McCoy bit his lip and rubbed the bridge of his nose. What part of the word slow did his friend not understand? He knew Kirk would laugh when he found out, but to be honest the only opinions that mattered in his mind about his relationship were those of Pavel and himself.

“We haven’t got that far yet…”

“What? Please tell me you’re kidding, Bones! It’s been six weeks! What have you been doing, braiding each other’s hair and telling girly stories?”

“We’ve both been busy…you know busy…the kind of thing most people and captains should be when on a ship. By the time we get to my bed all we do is kiss…murmur about our day and sleep.”

“How the hell are you surviving? I mean, even me and Spock make time to be hot and sweaty.”

“Yeah, well, apparently you and Spock have the constant sex drive of a Vulcan during Pon Farr.”

“Huh?”

“Ugh, just forget it.”

“I could give him a later shift if you want? Then there would be no excuse….”

“No, Jim. It’ll happen when we’re good and ready, not because you can’t believe I haven’t fucked him into oblivion like you would have.”

“I’m not trying to push, I’m just saying….that piece of ass which happens to be named Chekov needs to be slammed into.”

“Stop it!”

“His lips are there to suck you off….”

“I mean it!”

“…..the sound of him groaning and pleading for you to slam into him….”

“Ok, that’s it, out of my office!”

“What?”

“OUT!”

It took all his restraint not to throw Kirk out his office by his ear, though as the blond left he couldn’t stop himself from groaning. He knew that, like it or not, his libido had been going crazy every moment he was around the Russian and it was getting to the point where he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out. He needed to talk to Pavel….hopefully sooner rather than later.

~**~

Later that day he still hadn’t been able to catch the Russian, who’d been on a double shift while his replacement for beta shift was recovering from fatigue. Each moment without him seemed to make him need the younger male’s presence, not to mention his body, more.

Finally he couldn’t take it anymore, after sitting in the mess for the past hour picking at some badly warmed up chicken while his mind wandered to thoughts of what part of Pavel’s body he would like to be kissing or licking, and went to the helm. Pavel was sitting, looking exhausted, not to mention bored, his beautiful blue eyes glazed over as he looked over a series of equations on the screen before him. That was definitely the last straw.

“Ensign Chekov, you look exhausted and you won’t be much good to the captain if you can’t think straight….Rest now.”

Pavel jumped when he heard his lover’s voice, biting his lip coyly as he looked over his shoulder at the elder male. He nodded and whispered a few words with Sulu before getting up. His eyes lit up when they met McCoy’s, though he continued to play the part of shy ensign, letting the doctor lead the way to his quarters. As soon as the door closed behind them their lips were colliding hungrily as his body was steered back to rest against the door.

“Um….I’ve been thinking about you all day,” McCoy murmured against the pair of soft addictive lips that were sucking against his own. His hands balled up into fists either side of Pavel’s waist to restrain the urge to undress him when he wasn’t sure that was what he wanted.

“Really?” Pavel smiled, resting his hands on the back of the elder male’s neck and deepening their kisses from a series of pecks to one deep searching gesture with his tongue that had McCoy groaning and grinding his hips against his.

“Really….god….Pasha…” he murmured, resting one of his hands in the other’s hair, twirling some of his curls round his fingertips like he was trying to numb his body’s reaction just a bit more.

“You vant me so much?” Pavel murmured, feeling McCoy’s fingers grip his hair to pull his gaze up to meet his.

“More than want…..I fucking need you,” McCoy growled possessively, resting his forehead against the younger male, their gazes still locked intoxicatingly.

“Then vat are you vaiting for?” Pavel asked, a twinkle in his eyes as his hands rested on McCoy’s waist and pulled him closer.

“You sure?” McCoy whispered huskily, pressing a lingering kiss to Pavel’s lips.

“Positively zure….” the Russian murmured, his accent getting deeper with lust and arousal, causing the doctor to practically melt as he pressed a kiss deeply to his lips, his fingers grazing a trail down his neck, his shoulders and sides until his fingers reached the seam. He grazed his fingertips over the skin of his side, causing Pavel to sigh, his arms reluctantly moving from his lover’s waist to rest wantonly over his head.

The doctor pulled it off and threw it to one side, his lips moving down Pavel’s neck and teasing his collarbone with soft nips causing him to groan and his hips to grind like he needed less clothing and more skin to skin friction.

Their lips collided over and over, more and more clothing being removed until the only things left were their boxers, Pavel’s back arched away from the cold metal of the door. McCoy’s rough hands and calloused fingertips guided the velvety skin of Pavel’s legs around his waist and began to steer the way towards his bed until the young ensign was laying flat on his back on the mattress, panting for air as his entrancing blue eyes met the brown of the man who wanted nothing more than to worship and treasure every inch of his body. 

Their kisses became deeper and more intoxicating, with the doctor’s lips moving down the younger male’s neck, nipping and pressing open mouth kisses as he crawled down his body. The soft fingertips of his lover gripping tightly in his hair as though to make sure his lips kept in contact with his skin. At the top of his hip Pavel’s legs curled around his waist, crossing at the ankle around the bottom of his tail bone, pulling McCoy’s lips back to his. 

Their groans filled the atmosphere in a chorus as their arousals caused unbearably perfect friction, which was filled with desperation and the anticipation that had been building ever since the night where it all seemed to go wrong. The elder male’s fingers gripped tightly in Pavel’s hair, causing him to groan and arch his back against the mattress, which seemed to make McCoy’s sexually fixated mind more and more eager. He continued to kiss Pavel deeply as his hands traced back down his hips, prying his linked feet from the small of his back and parting his legs despite the other’s sounds of protest at them not being as close as he would like. 

He pulled some lube from the inside of his pillow case, where he’d been keeping it since the first time, and slathered it over his fingers. He paused to warm up the digits before teasing the tip of one finger into the ring of muscle, causing the ensign to murmur and moan for more despite the pain, while shifting his lower body. After a few seconds of letting him get used to the sensation he slid the next finger in and separated them once inside him to stretch it a little, hushing Pavel’s whimpers of pain with soft kisses against his jaw.

“It’s ok, Pasha….I promise it gets better,” he whispered, edging his fingers out a little before thrusting them and his ring finger inside. After stretching all three fingers out and Pavel assuring him he was ready, he carefully slid all three fingers out of him and wrapped the younger male’s legs around his waist as he slowly edged the head of his cock inside him. He paused once he heard the younger male gasp and nipped teasingly at the side of his neck to keep himself focused as he waited for the reassuring sound.

“Leonard…” Pavel gasped, taking one of his hands gripping his lover’s hip to making his dark eyes meet his own blue brightly aroused gaze. 

“You ok?” McCoy murmured, keeping their gazes locked as he traced the skin of his lover’s side on the trail to curling around his cock, tickling the sensitive skin with feather soft touches until Pavel’s hips bucked forward needing him inside him and his fingers on him.

Yet while McCoy’s body and his mind were fixated on shoving inside the younger male, on taking him hard and fast until the only word that the ensign could remember was his name, he restrained himself because he didn’t want him to think of his lover as that sadistically sexually fixated male who had tried to compromise his morals the first night they were together as a couple.

“Do it. I’m ready,” Pavel murmured breathlessly, his fingers curling in the sheets.

Using his free hand McCoy put it into the mattress above his shoulder to help him balance. He steadily thrust inside him a little at a time. Once he was sure it wasn’t too painful the pace sped up at the same time their intertwined hands grazed up and down his cock. The atmosphere was filled with their groans and the smell of sweat and sex until his climax hit. He remained leaning over Pavel, letting his hand guide his own for the last few strokes until he hit his own orgasm. 

Finally McCoy managed to regain control of his aching body and roll off Pavel so that he didn’t squash him under his weight, pulling a sheet over them and wrapping his arms over his younger lover’s figure. He felt the Russian smiling against his chest and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. Though when he felt his breathing still into a gentle rhythm he felt his smile fade with the remainder of his afterglow as reality came to haunt him. No matter that they had been together for six weeks…and got to know each other….Pavel was still a lot younger than he was. He just hoped that over time it wouldn’t bother him as much.


	7. Pick up the pieces

The next morning McCoy woke to the feel of a young warm body trying to crawl out of his embrace. He whispered the command for the computer to turn the light on and bit his lip as he pushed himself upright to see Pavel standing in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror and brushing his fingers over the love bites covering his neck.

“Hey, where ya going?” McCoy drawled hoarsely, wrapping the sheet around his form and getting up to stand behind his lover.

“Zorry, I didn’t mean to vake you.” Pavel smiled, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“You didn’t, and you didn’t answer my question,” McCoy murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his neck.

“I’m zcheduled on for the early zhift…” The Russian smiled, pressing a hand on McCoy’s cheek to keep his lips in contact with his neck.

“What? But you did two shifts yesterday, you deserve a break so you don’t become like Ensign Young who collapsed at the helm.” McCoy sighed, brushing his hands over Pavel’s waist teasingly, causing him to groan and rest his back against his chest.

“I know, but ze Captain is counting on me to cover for Young….besides, I promise if I feel overvorked or ztressed I vill tell you,” Pavel said softly, turning around so his back was to the mirror and his gaze locked on the elder male.

“You’d better….I don’t want Jim to complain to me about neglecting your health out of bed.” the doctor whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips before letting him go and get dressed.

He paused to look at himself in the mirror as he heard Pavel curse under his breath while trying to pull his shirt out from under the bed. His hair was a mess, his lips bruised and red from the amount of kissing he’d done the night before, bruises covered his neck and chest as well as a few bite marks from where Pavel had got a bit overly enthusiastic, but deep inside all he could see was the happiness shining through from the depths of his bloodshot eyes. Better than any type of high he would get from a bottle.

“Leo, have you zeen my pants? I zwear I zaw them before…..” Pavel’s muffled voice echoed around the otherwise empty room from under his desk.

“You tried the bottom of my closet? If you can’t find them, you can just borrow a pair of mine until you get back to your room.” McCoy smiled, pulling himself away from the mirror and trudging into the bedroom to curl up on his bed. He laid on his back and watched Pavel rummage around the clothes and empty drink bottles in the bottom of his closet before making a noise of triumph.

The younger male pulled the pants on and made a show of putting his shoes on before sitting on the bed and resting his hand against McCoy’s cheek to guide his lips to his own.

“I zhould get to the helm….” he murmured hotly against the elder man’s lips, though it didn’t take much for the other male to know it was the last thing he wanted to do.

“You should….unless you’d rather tell the captain you’re otherwise occupied and need a few more hours,” the doctor whispered, resting his hands on Pavel’s hips and guiding his body so he was straddling his lap.

“I’d lowe to….but I can’t….vill you be here vhen my zhift is ower?” the young ensign asked softly.

“I don’t think so. Unfortunately I have a fairly big load of paperwork so I may end up staying back.” McCoy sighed, brushing his palm over Pavel’s cheek.

“Ok….I’ll zee you tonight then?”

“Sure.”

Pavel kissed him softly before sliding off the bed and reluctantly walking towards the door. The elder male rested his arms either side of his head and let his mind drift to the night before, to when his lover had seemed to fit so perfectly with his own body and how the feel of Pavel’s teeth digging into his lip seemed like the perfect aphrodisiac he didn’t even realize he’d craved before. His eyes were just about to close so he could catch a bit more sleep before his shift when he heard the sound of a page from his ever annoying blue-eyed captain. Dammit he’d already stolen his lover, why did he have to steal his sleep too?

“McCoy here.’

“Bones, think you could do me a favor and meet me at the mess?”

“Dammit, Jim, seriously?”

“Yes, unless you’re otherwise engaged?”

“No, I’m not….no thanks to you.”

“Ten minutes?”

“Sure….”

He waited until Kirk had closed the connection before reluctantly unwinding his sheet from his waist and sorting through his clothes for some clean ones. With no time for a shower he tried to clean himself up as fast as possible and pull on his uniform before leaving his room, promising himself that, as soon as Jim had tried to pry the details about his and Pavel’s night while he ate, he would return to his room and get properly ready for his shift.

He grabbed a few slices of toast and sat at his usual table, picking the pieces of toast apart as he waited. He was nearly finished when he spotted the captain, walking through the door with a look of concentration on his face as he weaved his way through the crowd towards the front of the crew to grab his breakfast. He soon appeared at McCoy’s table with a bowl of cornflakes and a sugar tainted cup of coffee on a tray. Something told the doctor this was going to take a while.

“What is it, Jim? There better be a damned good reason you dragged me out of bed when I’m not due in the medical bay for another few hours,” McCoy growled irritably pushing his crumb-covered plate forward as the captain sat down opposite him.

“Anyone would think you didn’t want to get out of bed for other reasons involving a certain curly-haired ensign.” The captain grinned, raising an eyebrow.

“My need for sleep has nothing to do with Pavel,” the doctor denied, avoiding catching his friend’s gaze, causing the blond to smirk.

“Oh, I’m sure….”

“Look, if all you want is details of my night with my lover, how about I give you the short version? It’s my business as in it’s none of yours.”

“Spoil sport!”

“Ugh, if that’s all, I’m going back to bed,” McCoy growled pushing his chair back as he stood up to leave.

“Ok! Ok! Real business this time.”

Reluctantly the doctor sunk back into his chair as the captain downed a few mouthfuls of cornflakes before speaking again.

“Ok, so we got an emergency signal to pick up a ship that lost power over Indigo. Their crew has sustained a few injuries from their last excursion in Mirana so I want you to prepare your bay for our guests.”

“Couldn’t you have at least waited until they actually boarded?”

“Well, I could have but I wanted to make sure that you were aware of the situation given that you are the ship’s Chief Medical Officer, and Commodore Metin wanted to make sure you understood the situation.”

McCoy rolled his eyes and nodded as he picked up his discarded plate.

“Anything else or can I go back to my quarters now?”

“Sure, go ahead….I’ll let you know when we’re close enough for them to board.”

The doctor gave a sharp nod in response and left the table, his thoughts already going through the several thousand protocols he would have to put in place as he dropped off his plate and began the walk towards the turbo lift. But as he got into the lift a feeling began to build in his gut. Maybe there had been another reason why Jim thought to give him warning about another team coming on board, not to mention the fact a superior officer wanted him to be made aware of the situation. It then seemed to hit him like a kick in the stomach as the lift stopped on his floor.

A Starfleet superior was coming on board when he was in a relationship, deemed inappropriate, due to his lover being a seventeen year old ensign. God, he was screwed if they ever found out.

He’d have to bug Pavel to find out how long it would take before they picked them up so they could enjoy their time together and come up with a plan. Nervously he worried his lip between his teeth as he walked down the hallway to his room, every step making him more and more edgy. He just prayed this didn’t backfire, he wasn’t sure he could survive if he had to be apart from the Russian.

~**~

 

Pavel’s day had started off in the best way possible for him by waking in the arms of his lover, but the events that followed seemed to twist it into a day he had never experienced before and never wanted to again. His mind was on cloud nine as he had left McCoy’s quarters and gone to his friend’s room to meet him for breakfast. But his friend seemed unusually quiet, picking at his meal before murmuring he’d see Pavel at the helm. The young Russian had frowned as he followed his lead before stopping him in the corridor on the way to the turbo lift.

“Hikaru, what’s wrong? You’re unusually quiet,” Pavel asked, touching his friend’s wrist and watching him stiffen at the gesture. Like he had done something wrong, which meant he didn’t want the contact.

“Nothing…just you’re wearing the wrong shirt,” Hikaru said, his tone as stiff as his posture.

Pavel froze and swallowed as he looked down and saw the unfamiliar blue covering his torso instead of the gold that matched his title. Why hadn’t he mentioned it before they got to the mess hall? Now the whole ship was going to know about him and Leonard…or him and an older ranking member anyway.

“Er….yeah….I only just realized,” Pavel stuttered, blushing profusely as he led his friend towards the door to his room to put one of his own shirts on. No matter how much he loved the smell of his lover on his skin, he hoped there was still some way he could draw away from his and Leonard’s relationship.

The door closed behind them and the young Russian left his friend to stand and watch as he threw the blue shirt on his unused bed and grabbed one shirt of his own. He took his time sorting himself out in the bathroom before appearing to see his friend sitting on his bed with a look of uncertainty on his face.

“There that’s better.” Pavel smiled, shifting towards the door, expecting Hikaru to get up and follow. The smile faded when he didn’t.

“How long have you and McCoy been sleeping together?” Sulu asked softly.

‘That’s no one’s business but mine and Leonard’s.”

“And mine….now tell me,” Hikaru snapped.

Pavel swallowed and rested his back against the closed door, a sense of worry and warning entering his mind.

“Only the once…but we’ve shared a bed and only a bed a few weeks before,” the Russian said, faking a sense of calm in the hopes that it would satisfy his friend’s curiosity.

“And why did you not mention this before?”

“I told you….it’s not your business. Leonard is my lover, Hikaru, though anyone would think you don’t want that. That you don’t like to see me happy.”

“No, I don’t want that! Not with him! For god’s sake, Pavel, are you really so blind? How could you not notice?’

“Not notice what?”

“That I LOVE YOU!”Sulu yelled, loud enough for the three words to echo around the room, causing Pavel’s eyes to widen and his body to stiffen more so than before.

“No….”

“Yes! I love you and I think you deserve so much better than that old bastard with a divorce and child under his belt, who probably doesn’t even understand how special you are after what’s he’s put you through. I do, Pavel.”

Pavel swallowed but shook his head.

“Get out of my room.”

“No….you don’t mean that…”

“You just called my lover an old bastard, Hikaru…so out.”

Hikaru’s lips pressed into one firm line as he pushed himself up from the bed and approached the door as Pavel shifted to one side away from him.

“Fine. But don’t come crying to me when he can’t make his mind up again or he leaves you. Because he will and then you’ll be left wondering what could have been with me,” Sulu hissed, before leaving the room. The door slid shut behind him, leaving Pavel to screw his eyes up as all the information sunk in piece by piece. He then made himself approach the PA panel at the wall.

“Chekov to bridge…”

“Uhura here…”

“Can you please inform the captain of my change in shift? I’ll be changing with Freeman from beta shift.”

“Erm…sure….everything ok, Ensign? You sound a bit shaken….do you wish me to inform the sickbay?”

He wanted to say no…he really did, he shouldn’t keep running to McCoy when something happened in his life that he couldn’t handle, but the doubt that Sulu had planted in his consciousness made him need the southern male to assure him they were just words and that nothing was going to happen to keep them apart.

"Please…tell Doctor McCoy I’ll be in my room when he has the time. Thank you.”


	8. It's a heartbreak tonight

McCoy had only been on his shift at the medical bay for two hours when he got the call from Uhura about Pavel’s need for a consultation in his room. His mind was still thinking thoroughly through the information Kirk had given him about the Commodore’s visit to the Enterprise but, while he wanted to ask Pavel how long they would have before things had the likelihood of turning to shit, he wanted to check on him first.

He arrived at Pavel’s room and paused to knock before entering at the timid ‘come’ that reached his ears from inside. Pavel was sitting upright under the covers, clutching a blue Starfleet uniform shirt to his chest with his nose buried in the material, which seemed to clash against the gold covering his chest. His eyes were closed but as he got closer the doctor could see trails of tears tracing the younger male’s cheek bones.

‘Pasha…” McCoy whispered, putting the kit and medical scanner he’d brought onto the desk before sitting beside him on the bed.

Immediately Pavel threw the shirt to one side once McCoy was in grabbing distance and buried his face in the elder male’s chest, causing McCoy to wrap his arms around him and softly hush the sobs reaching his ears.

“Pavel….what happened? I hate seeing you so upset…” McCoy whispered, pressing a kiss to his head.

“Hikaru told me that he loves me, Leonard….he got znarky and tense vhen he saw me vearing your zhirt before….”

“He was just jealous because I have you and he wants you that’s all,” McCoy hushed.

“But I don’t vant him….” Pavel whispered.

“I’d be a little upset if you did…” McCoy whispered with a small smile that pulled a shaky laugh from Pavel’s lips.

“Don’t let him get to you, Pavel. Anything he’s said is just fueled by spite, agitation and his attempt to try and make you rethink things. When he’s calmed down he’ll still be your friend…and realize how stupid he’s been. I promise. He’s just all talk,” McCoy whispered reassuringly, brushing a hand up and down his lover’s back.

“You’re zure?” Pavel murmured against his shoulder.

“Positive. I swear nothing will happen between us to tear us apart.”

Pavel nodded against his torso causing the doctor to smile.

“You ok now? I should probably get back to the medical bay.”

“But you vill come back, da? My next zhift isn’t until later and I’d hate to be alone in case he comes back.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

He pressed a kiss to the Russian’s curly head before slowly pushing himself off the bed to gather his equipment from his desk. He paused to watch his lover from the doorway as he settled back under the covers for a nap.

Once the door closed the doctor’s anger seemed to flare up at the fact that his lover’s supposed friend could treat him that way, making him feel guilty for being in love with him instead of reciprocating the feelings that his friend had. Pavel was a delicate soul and would do anything to keep those he thought were important in his life happy, which was what cut him up inside the most. But McCoy refused to let Sulu believe that he had got the upper hand, let alone any part in wrecking their relationship. Yet while he knew that he should just continue on to the medical bay and ignore that nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach, instead he found himself on the way to the helm, his free hand clenching and unclenching at the thought of the damage he could cause that arrogant asshole of a pilot, his heart roaring in his ear.

“Bones, what are you doing here?”

Kirk’s voice pulled him out of his rage filled haze but he knew he still needed to make sure he didn’t try anything again to hurt the fragile feelings of his lover.

“I came to speak to Sulu about something…unless he’s busy, in which case it can probably wait.” It was taking all his strength to keep a professional air about him, but at the same time he knew that Jim wasn’t buying it by the suspicious look in his eyes.

“As long as it’s quick I’m sure he can spare you some time. Lieutenant,” he said, turning his attention to Sulu, whose gaze was fixated on the map on the monitor in front of him.

“Yes, Captain?” Sulu asked, looking up from the monitor, though the professional mask seemed to crack a little at the sight of McCoy beside him.

“Doctor McCoy needs to speak to you about something, Sulu. I’m sure Baxter can cover for you for a few minutes,” Kirk said, looking from between the two to the navigator who was sitting in Pavel’s seat.

“Of course sir,” Baxter squeaked, turning his gaze back to the monitor.

Sulu seemed to bite his tongue as he got to his feet and followed McCoy out into the corridor, though as soon as the door closed behind them McCoy threw his kit to the floor.

“So what do you want to talk to me about, sir?” he asked, trying to keep the respect in his voice but the doctor could tell what he was really thinking.

“Pavel.”

Sulu stiffened and tried to put a concerned look on his face but McCoy growled at him to stop it before the mask was full in place.

“Oh no, you don’t, you asshole. Don’t you dare pretend that you don’t know why my lover is miserable and has messed up his schedule! Because I know as well as you do that’s a load of bull.”

“Sir, I really don’t know what you….”

“Drop the act. You have no right to meddle in mine and Pavel’s relationship, just because you are harboring some feelings for him and are jealous that I am lucky enough to have him in my life. So I suggest that if you don’t want to become a pin cushion at your next physical you’ll apologize to him the next time you see him,” McCoy hissed.

“And if I refuse?” Sulu asked, crossing his arms.

McCoy narrowed his eyes and clenched his hand into a fist before letting it collide with the other male’s cheek bone. Sulu cursed out loud and called him a crazy asshole which merely made him smirk.

“So now you’re getting it. You aren’t dealing with some nancy boy who’s afraid of a case of the green-eyed monster here, Sulu. If I hear that you’ve been causing Pavel any more trouble you’ll be getting more than a black eye, are we clear?”

The younger male nodded as he nursed his black eye before turning back to the helm, leaving McCoy to pick up his kit and return back to the medical bay before Kirk caught up with him and gave him a lecture for beating up the pilot.

It was half an hour before McCoy could return back to his lover’s bunk after convincing an intern to cover for him. He found Pavel still curled up in the same position he had left him in, clutching his shirt to his chest and looking as peaceful as an angel beneath the covers. He didn’t really want to disturb him. The events of the night before and that morning had probably cost him the sleep he needed the most but part of him needed to know how long they had, how long he had to ensure the Russian understood the potential consequences that would occur if their relationship was discovered. Reluctantly he sat on the bed beside him and immediately, like he had been waiting for him, the young ensign moved his head so it rested against his shoulder with the arm around his shirt moving to rest around his waist, like he was a teddy bear.

He swallowed and bit his lip as he ran his fingers through his curls, having the inner battle with himself he knew should be one of the simplest ones ever. Pavel needed his sleep….he shouldn’t be so selfish and wake him just for his own self-assurance, but at the same time the Commodore’s arrival was getting closer and closer. They needed to be prepared, to come up with some cover story that would be convincing enough for if they were caught in a tight spot.

“Leonard….vhen did you come back?” Pavel asked softly, rubbing his eyes as he opened them slowly.

“Hey, sleepyhead, I only came back a few minutes ago. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to Pavel’s head.

“It’s ok….is there zomething vrong?” Pavel asked, pushing himself upright as the doctor slid his feet out of his shoes and sat beside him.

Leonard bit his lip and looked down, which immediately made Pavel tilt his head back up to meet his gaze.

“Tell me.”

“It’s just something the captain told me….it has me kind of on edge. I wanted to ask if you knew something about it, but I didn’t want to wake you.”

‘Vell, no need to feel guilty now….just ask me.” Pavel smiled, kissing his cheek.

“Do you know the estimated time before we have to pick up Commodore Metin’s crew?” he asked.

“I can check…” Pavel said, sliding off the bed towards his desk and turning on his console.

“You don’t need to do it now…”

“Zooner it’s ower vith, the zooner you’ll ztop vorrying.”

The Russian sat down in his seat and a few minutes later was looking at the equations he’d made on his previous shift and putting them in place with the co-ordinates of the Commodore’s ship.

“According to my calculations, ve zhould be there on Thursday at 10am,” Pavel said softly, turning the monitor of his console off and sitting back on the bed beside him.

“Ah…” McCoy murmured, biting the corner of his lip.

“Zo vhat vas vorrying you about his wisit?” Pavel asked, resting his head against his shoulder.

Though it pained him to do so Leonard told him the whole situation and why the Commodore coming on board was a bad idea for them with their relationship, and what hurt more was the way Pavel’s smile faded at the information.

“I….I zee.” The young ensign sighed, hugging his legs to his chest.

“Don’t get me wrong, Pavel, I love being with you, and if the Commodore wasn’t coming I wouldn’t be thinking of changing anything but there are some Starfleet regulations against our relationship,” he said, wrapping his arms around the Ensign’s lithe frame.

“So you don’t regret….”

“God, no. I just don’t want either of our careers to be compromised because we have what are deemed as inappropriate feelings for each other,” he whispered, kissing his neck.

“I know zat, Leonard.” Pavel sighed softly but his eyes were still filled with misery and it seemed to break McCoy’s heart a little more. They had only just realized the importance and meaning of their relationship to each other and now it had to be put on hold due to the stupid rules.

As they settled down for a nap before they had to return back to reality and their positions, it seemed like no matter what options they tried to come up with they were destined to hide their relationship no matter how much it would hurt.


	9. The passion is strong in this one

The three days passed slowly, with the two avoiding each other and only really having any contact in McCoy’s room after their shifts were over. Even then their intimacy was less than what they were used to, leaving them feeling unsatisfied as they rolled to separate sides of the bed. But on the third day when McCoy saw his lover disappear into the shower to get rid of his morning hard on, he knew it couldn’t go on like this, screw the rules, all he wanted was to see that smile on Pavel’s face again.

Unfortunately by the time he realized that Pavel was dressed and had left the room with some excuse about an early shift leaving his lips. He stared at the ceiling of his room and sighed as he rested his hands behind his head, remembering that perfect night that they had been together for the first time, when it had been so intense and filled with so much emotion, the depth of which he had never known before.

When he finally got up, showered and dressed he had to go to breakfast for a quick briefing with the captain before Metin and his crew boarded, but he resolved to talk to Pavel before the Commodore appeared. Yet even Kirk could tell that his mind wasn’t in it.

“Something else on your mind, Bones?” the captain asked, downing a mouthful of sugary cereal that normally McCoy would have made him throw in the bin before he even had the chance to taste it.

“Hm? What makes you ask that?” the elder male asked, downing the last piece of toast.

“Well, for one you haven’t bitched at me about my choice of breakfast and for another you didn’t correct me when I mentioned some protocols that have nothing to do with medicine. What’s with you?” Kirk asked, putting his spoon in his half empty bowl and crossing his arms on the table in front of him.

“It’s just….me and Pavel have come to some sort of agreement to not be together while Metin and his crew are on the ship. But already it’s making us miserable, Jim. I just want him to know how much I love him….and that nothing Metin can say will make me leave him.” He sighed.

“Hmmm, tough break. Well….if you want to talk to him now….I can tell him to come down to the medical bay before the rush starts.”

“Thanks, I’d really appreciate it,” McCoy said with a small smile. He got to his feet with his plate and retreated from the mess hall as Spock joined his friend at their table. He was definitely glad he wouldn’t have to see the two of them together for once.

When he reached the medical bay it was fairly quiet. Christine was doing inventory, leaving him to do the quick check of the couple of permanent patients in the private beds. As he was checking the linen for the free beds he heard a set of hesitant footsteps enter the medical bay. He looked over his shoulder to see Pavel standing near the doorway to his office, but he had frozen at the sight of the doctor appearing.

“The Captain said you wished to speak to me, Doctor?” Pavel asked, though his tone made McCoy grimace as he approached his lover, wrapped his hand around his wrist and led him towards the nearest bed.

“Yes….I did want to speak you, not as a doctor… but as your lover,” he said softly, hoisting himself up on the biobed and gesturing for Pavel to do the same, which he did reluctantly.

“What do you want to speak about?” he asked softly.

“Pavel, I know you feel miserable about this and I don’t exactly like it that much myself, but just remember that I….I love you and nothing that Metin says will make me take that back,” he whispered, brushing Pavel’s cheek with his.

Pavel nodded and let himself meet McCoy’s gaze as the space between them was closed.  
“I feel the exact same way,” he assured him, pressing a kiss to his lips.

As soon as their lips collided it was like the spark was back, flowing through their bodies, the spark that seemed to have previously disappeared when reality came to call, and yet neither of them was complaining.

The kiss quickly deepened between them and McCoy found himself guiding Pavel onto his back as he undid his pants, which caused a murmur of pleasure from the younger male. He hurriedly pushed Pavel’s pants and boxers down his legs and guided him on to his hands and knees once his own trousers were unzipped. He knelt behind his lover pressing kisses up and down the little space of skin revealed by his lack of shirt and slowly eased himself inside him with his hands resting firmly on his hips. Deep inside he knew there was no time to be slow if at any moment the Commodore could appear, so the pace was fast and the thrusts deep but at the same time he let Pavel’s lower body move in response to each movement.

Subconsciously he probably heard Kirk’s voice over the Ship’s PA announcing that Metin was on the ship but it didn’t seem to register. All that mattered in his mind was how good it felt to be inside his lover, to hear Pavel murmuring his name and begging for more, but it seemed too good to last.

Finally they both came and he had to let Pavel roll onto his back to recover. He heard the cough behind him, causing him to stiffen and Pavel’s eyes to widen.

“Doctor McCoy, I presume?” a deep voice said, causing McCoy to mouth the word ‘Fuck’ at Pavel, who looked ashamed at being caught and was trying to pull his pants up as McCoy slid off the bed and did just that, standing in front of the commodore in the stiff and formal pose expected.

“Commodore Metin. I’m sorry I didn’t come and greet you….I was ….”

“Busy….yes, I think we could all see how busy you were,” Metin sneered, causing McCoy to quickly close his mouth and look down, though he could practically feel the fury radiating off Pavel.

“I think you and I should have a talk about a possible reassignment to another ship doctor,” Metin said, jerking his head in Pavel’s direction like he thought Pavel was some insolent Ensign who couldn’t speak let alone think for himself. A fire of anger began to build in the pit of McCoy’s stomach. This man didn’t even know his lover and was treating him like a child. He was about to open his mouth to defend him when he heard Pavel speak up.

“But zir!” Pavel objected, pulling his shirt down his torso and sliding off the bed to stand beside his lover, who was standing stiffly in front of their superior. “You cannot do that!”

“Pasha…” McCoy tried to calm his lover by grabbing his hand in his own and lacing their fingers, though he could feel Metin frown at the gesture.

“No! He cannot zend you away! I von’t let him!”

“Ensign, I suggest you leave this room before you say something you regret,” Commodore Metin said calmly, giving the young male a look that sent a chill through him that even McCoy felt. The doctor felt Pavel look up at him as though asking whether he thought that was a good idea or not.

“It’ll be ok, Pasha….just go to your bunk and I’ll be along soon,” he said softly, giving Pavel’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

Pavel threw a glare at the Commodore before McCoy let go of his hand and he left the Medical bay.

“Doctor McCoy, once you have finished taking care of my crew’s medical needs, I suggest you come to my quarters so we can further discuss your situation.”

McCoy didn’t flinch, merely nodded and began to bark orders at his staff, gathering equipment and asking questions of his patients as though he hadn’t been caught with his pants down, fucking an Ensign. He could feel the Commodore’s gaze burning into his back for a few minutes before he left the room, leaving him to fixate on his work. It didn’t take long for the rest of his staff to take over his work, leaving him to retreat to his office for a small breather before going to meet his fate.

He heard a soft knock at his door and swallowed as he buried his face in his hands.

“Come…”

“Bones….”

He looked up at the sound of his friend’s voice and gave a weak smile as the door closed behind him.

“Hey….I’m guessing Pavel caught up with you….”

“Yeah, he told me you were fucking him in the med bay and that the Commodore wants you to be transferred, due to a violation of the ‘do not fuck the lower officers’ rule.”

“Pretty much it in a nut shell.”

“I can try and talk to Metin on your behalf….”

“Don’t bother, it won’t do much good, Jim, he’ll ground you for not stopping us from being together, not to mention grill you until you admit to ‘sexually fraternizing’ with your First officer.”

“I suppose….but what will I do without you? You’re the best CMO Starfleet’s got. Besides, mine and Spock’s relationship is as consensual as yours and Pavel’s, and he’ll just have to deal with that.”

“I’m the only CMO you know so of course you’d say that.”

“It’s still the truth.”

McCoy gave him a small smile and sighed as he looked around.

“I don’t want to leave, Jim….I can’t even imagine not waking up with him beside me…”

“I know….I’ll see if I can work something with him….though you may need to attend a hearing, regardless.”

The doctor sighed and nodded as he reluctantly got to his feet.

“I should go talk to Pavel and the Commodore.’

“I’ll be there for your meeting with Metin, for moral support, regardless of what he has to say.”

“Ten minutes at his quarters?”

“Sure….good luck calming the boyfriend down. I think you’re gonna need it.”

“Thanks,” McCoy murmured as he left the office.


	10. Running up that Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attempting to convince a higher ranking member that you aren't taking advantage of an ensign, McCoy learns is damned near impossible. And the consequences rear their ugly head.

Since he’d left the medical bay Pavel hadn’t been able to calm down at the prospect of his lover being sent to the other side of the galaxy just for being in a sexual relationship with him. He’d detoured from his quarters in the hope of finding the captain to let him know what was going on before the Commodore found him. He found him in the mess hall with Mr. Spock, eating dinner while he chattered to his lover and first officer in hushed tones.

“Keptin!” Pavel said as he hurried towards the couple’s table. Spock looked like he wanted to make a run for it to the helm at the mere sound of the Ensign’s voice, but Kirk stilled him and his thoughts of escape by resting his hand on the Vulcan’s wrist and brushing his thumb in a soothing pattern over his skin.

“Hey, Ensign…..what can we do for you?” Kirk smiled putting his fork down and gesturing for him to sit down with his free hand.

“It’s Leonard….He vants to zend him away,” Pavel cried, only just restraining the urge to burst into tears.

“Wait, what? I know his bedside manner isn’t exactly up to scratch but that doesn’t give him the right to…” 

“No….he zaw us.”

“Ok, I think you need to start from the beginning, Pavel, because I’m a bit lost right now…”

“I think I’ll head back to the bridge, Jim…” Spock said solemnly, sliding his finger between Jim’s and giving them a squeeze before getting up and grabbing his tray.

Jim gave him a nod and smile as his lover walked away before turning his gaze back to Pavel, who was fidgeting in his seat.

“Me and Leonard….vere talking in the medical bay vhile it was quiet…it turned to flirting and one thing lead to another. Next thing I know Commodore Metin is ztood vith his ztaff in the room, ztaring at us. He immediately zaid he’s going to zend him to another zhip because of zome regulation breach.”

“Shit…..did he say which one?”

“Er…..17.625A, I think 

“Crap…..”

“What regulation is that, sir?” Pavel frowned.

Jim buried his face in his hands before sighing.

“A superior officer is prohibited from using his position as the basis to seduce an underage crew member.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding!’

“No…but before you start cursing the Commodore into oblivion, tell me what else happened.” 

“I objected…but got zent from the room like I vas too young or naïve for my own opinion to matter.”

“Fuck…..Ok, well, you go back to your quarters and I’ll go hear what Bones has to say….He’ll probably come look for you later.”

“Thank you Keptin.” Pavel sighed, getting to his feet and walking out of the mess, with the weight on his shoulders a little lighter than it had been before.

Once he reached his quarters he spent half an hour pacing back and forth all the while cursing the Commodore under his breath with as many names as possible in his native tongue. Finally he heard the knock at the door and opened it to see McCoy standing with his hands buried in his pockets and an unsure smile on his face.

“Leonard…..vhat happened? Vat did he zay?” Pavel asked, wrapping his arms around the doctor’s waist and pulling him into a hug.

“Just that I need to go to his quarters to talk to him about what happens next.”

“But…..he wants to send you away, Leo!”

“Shhhh, it’s ok, Pasha…..” McCoy hushed, pressing a kiss to his curls.

“Nyet, it’s not! Vhat if you get zent to another zhip? I’ll never zee you and I don’t vant that to happen.”

“I know…..neither do I. But if I get fired instead I’ll never see you either.” McCoy sighed, leading Pavel to his bed and sitting down.

“You’d really get fired or quit just because of me?” Pavel murmured, resting his head in the elder male’s lap, his body curled up in a ball beside him.

“Yes…..I mean I don’t know what I’d do…..where I’d live and that crap, but if it meant I’d still get to see you on your time off and be with you in whatever context I want, then it would be so worth it,” McCoy hushed softly, running his fingers through his young lover’s hair.

Pavel sighed and let his gaze meet the doctor’s, searching for any sign of hope in their dark depths that everything would be ok and that nothing would be able to separate them, but found none. This only made his heart sink deeper into his stomach inch by painful inch.

He rested his hand on McCoy’s cheek and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, letting him deepen it so his tongue was tracing every corner of his mouth.

“I’ve got to go to the Commodore’s quarters…but I’ll be back to let you know what happens ok?” he whispered against the Russian’s lips.

Pavel swallowed softly and nodded, letting his body shift a little along the bed so he could watch the doctor get up and leave. Once he was gone he curled up in the middle of the mattress and sighed at the silence as he prayed the captain would be able to do something.

~~~

Once McCoy reached the floor with the guest quarters and he could feel his nerves beginning to kick in, he took a minute to breathe as he walked down the corridor and found Jim standing outside the right room, pacing back and forth. He gave McCoy a small smile when he spotted him which the elder returned. They waited a second before the captain knocked on the door and waited for the call of ‘Enter’ from the other side of the door.

McCoy let his friend enter first, standing beside him with his hands clasping each other so they rested against the small of his back. 

“Captain Kirk…..I’m sure you’ve been informed of the current situation surrounding Doctor McCoy and Ensign Chekov?” Metin asked, getting to his feet from behind his desk and standing before them.

“I have, sir, though I am surprised you didn’t come and discuss this with me as soon as you left the sick bay….given this is in fact my ship,” Kirk said, raising an eyebrow while managing to keep the formal tone in his voice.

“So, before Doctor McCoy mentioned this incident, you didn’t have prior knowledge of his exploitation, I mean, relationship with Ensign Chekov?” Metin asked, completely ignoring the captain’s inquiry that McCoy knew bugged the young captain by the way he shifted his weight from one foot to another.

“I had some prior knowledge of the relationship….more than enough to know it was consensual and in no way, shape or form a breach of regulation 17.625A at all,” Kirk snipped, agitation becoming obvious in his voice.

“Really? Because it didn’t seem that way to me from what I saw.”

“You walked in on two men fucking…..their positions don’t always determine the ratio of power within that relationship,” said McCoy softly, keeping his gaze on the wall over the Commodore’s shoulder.

“Ok…..then explain to me how it started? When he came for a prostate exam by any chance?”

“NO. He came to my office asking for help with a burn. He then proceeded to ask me out,” McCoy said through gritted teeth.

“And on his first date I’m guessing you…..fucked around?”

“No. We talked and ate and kissed a bit. Nothing more.” 

“But if he had been willing, I’m guessing you would have….so how long before you first….slept together?”

“Commodore, this is really none of your business.” 

“Button it, Captain. If I don’t know all the details he’ll be made to say all this and more in front of a tribunal. Now please, Doctor, answer the question.”

“Six weeks prior to our date…” 

The Commodore raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

McCoy watched him turn his back on them and walk towards his desk, returning with a piece of paper between his fingers.

“This, Doctor McCoy, is the paper work for your transfer to a post at the Xtmprsqzntwlfb station over New Vulcan…in two weeks.”

“But….” Jim opened his mouth to object but the other two occupants of the room glared at him to keep quiet.

“We’ll give you a selection of replacements for your position to choose from.”

McCoy nodded and reluctantly took the paper before turning to walk away.

“Oh and also…..I suggest ending your relationship with Ensign Chekov.” 

McCoy stopped in mid step, biting his lip before leaving the room with his heart breaking into smaller and smaller shards with each step. 

Since Leonard had left his room, Pavel had been trying to distract himself by reading, tidying up and looking at equations he’d been meaning to do for some time. It seemed like hours before he heard McCoy’s cracking voice from the other side of the door saying his name.  
He opened it to find his lover’s eyes glittering with unshed tears and his heart sank deeper into his stomach than before as he pulled him into his room towards his bed and hushed him with Russian endearments until he calmed down.

“Leo…..what happened?” he whispered softly, brushing his fingertips over his face reassuringly.

McCoy swallowed shakily as he offered him the piece of paper he’d been clinging to since he walked in the door. Pavel managed to pry it from his fingers and felt himself begin to sob, the words quickly becoming a blur. Two weeks! Two weeks and then his lover would be sent to the other side of the galaxy. The two clung to each other tightly to reassure themselves, the paper falling from the Russian’s hand like he couldn’t bear to look at it any more.


	11. If I only could make a deal with god to swap our places...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day neither of them wants appears....and things need to be said before McCoy and his Pasha are parted.

The two weeks seemed to fly by in a mass of work and emotion. The captain had taken pity on the two and let Pavel take a later shift so they could be together as much as possible. The Commodore obviously wasn’t glad McCoy had ignored his advice about breaking it off with Pavel but kept his attention on his own Crew’s wellbeing, despite knowing he’d done the right thing according to Starfleet regulations.

McCoy spent the mornings training the rest of his staff in complicated protocols and procedures to help them acquaint the new CMO with them and often afternoons looking through the number of recommendations to take his place. Nights he and Pavel would fuck like there was no tomorrow, but once the passion wore off the sadness would set in and they’d cling to each other beneath the covers. They hadn’t exactly spoken about how their relationship would continue while McCoy was on another ship or if they should break it off to save them both heartache, but deep down neither of them wanted, let alone could bear, the thought of doing the latter. 

“I don’t vant to be vithout you….” Pavel whispered one night, grazing his fingertips over the southern male’s bicep while his head rested on his chest.

“Me neither…..” McCoy whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Zo vhat are ve going to do? You’ll be over New Wulcan for months and I’ll be…..I’ll be…..” Pavel whispered, stopping in mid sentence when he felt the tears gathering in the backs of his eyes.

“Pasha….we’ll get through this, I promise. I’ll send you messages every day…and I’m sure you’ll end up in New Vulcan some time with the connections that Jim’s goblin has.” 

“You promise?”

“On my beating heart…..” McCoy smiled softly, brushing his hands over the skin of his back.

Pavel smiled a small smile and sighed as he felt McCoy murmur, “I love you, Pasha,” against his hair. Never had he felt so happy before. He just wished he didn’t have to hear the words in his current situation.

~**~

The dreaded day came sooner than either of them was expecting and yet neither of them was really ready to say goodbye. McCoy had spent the morning before packing because he knew Pavel would have him occupied that night. He lay in bed with the Russian the morning of his planned departure, staring at the ceiling and resisting the urge to wake him. The last night he’d let Pavel take control, to prove to himself and his lover that he loved him and always would. Yet his heart was aching at the fact he had to leave him….this man who caught his broken heart and tried to repair it piece by piece with super glue.

“Pasha….” he whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips and smiling when he heard him murmur a protest.

“Sweetie, I’ve got to get up…”

“Nyet…..five more minutes…”

“I wish I could but I have to shower and change…” 

Pavel opened his eyes and met McCoy’s gaze, though his beautiful blue eyes were filled with tears.

“It’s the day, isn’t it?” he whispered, his lip quivering as a few tears fell down his cheeks, making McCoy’s heart break in his chest. He wanted to deny it…..say no….that he just had to get up for his shift, but he knew that lying wouldn’t help his lover’s feelings.

“Yeah…..”

Pavel wiped his eyes and slid out of bed, pulling his clothes on and keeping his back to McCoy like he couldn’t bear to look at him.

“Pasha….you don’t need to leave….” McCoy frowned, sitting upright and watching his lover gather his shirt and shoes from his desk.

“Da, I do! I don’t vant to zay goodbye….zo this vill make it easier…”

“No, it won’t!”

“Da, it vill! You don’t need me crying…or begging you to ztay…..it’ll only make it harder….zo best to just leave it this vay,” Pavel said, his voice cracking as he pushed his feet into his shoes. 

“Pavel….please…..stop,” McCoy said softly, sliding out of bed and resting his hand on the younger male’s shoulder.

“Leonard, please don’t,” the younger male whispered, yet he let his lover turn him around so he was facing the eyes he wouldn’t get to see at night, the features he wouldn’t get to kiss or watch sleeping beside him again.

“Pavel, please look at me,” McCoy whispered, resting his calloused fingertips beneath the ensign’s chin and tilting his head up. His beautiful eyes were already red from crying and some stray tears streaked down his flawless cheeks, which seemed to tear his already breaking heart apart at the seams. 

“Just because I’m leaving it doesn’t mean it’s an indefinite goodbye. We’ll still see each other…maybe not as much as we’d prefer but it’s better than being completely cut off, right?” he murmured, wrapping his arms around the younger male’s waist and pulling him close so his cheek rested against his bare chest.

He heard Pavel sniffle in the silence like Joanna when he’d come to visit her on shore leave and had to go a few days later. He’d willingly beg Metin to change his mind if he knew it would do any good but he knew no amount of tears on Pavel’s part would keep them there together.

“You ok now?” he whispered softly, knowing it was a stupid question but he couldn’t come up with anything else that didn’t sound like optimistic bullshit.

He felt Pavel shake his head against his skin and rolled his lips, swallowing as he pressed a kiss to his head.

“I’ve really got to get ready, Pasha…I’m sorry,” he whispered, letting his arms slip from Pavel’s waist. He felt the Russian stiffen at the gesture before McCoy took a few steps backwards from his lover and retreated to the bathroom.

The doctor kept his back to the bedroom as he heard Pavel grab what few belongings of his had made their way into McCoy’s room before he heard the door slide closed behind him for the last time. The only occupant rested his hands on the counter and hung his head with his eyes closed. The image of his lover crying was going to haunt him and while he would love to go after him and reassure him more, he knew the Commodore wouldn’t be impressed if he had to wait. He took a minute to breathe before opening his eyes and looking at himself in the mirror.

At the old doctor whose skin was bleached by the sun, covered in bruises from his lover, whose lips were red and just as bruised. The man before him had bags under his eyes from two week’s worth of worrying and late nights, and while he knew he should be relieved that the wait was almost over with Pavel’s crying face flashing before him all he could feel was misery and pain.

He pushed himself into the shower and mechanically went about washing himself, wishing he didn’t have to erase the trace of Pavel’s touch. Fifteen minutes later he stood dried and dressed in the middle of his empty room with only his luggage on his desk showing that the room had been his for the past few years. He made himself leave, instead of sitting and reliving each night in the bed, to have his last breakfast with Jim and Spock, hoping he could avoid seeing Pavel’s heartbroken face, even though part of him would give anything to see the younger male again before he had to leave. He arrived to see the Captain looking miserable with Spock seated close beside him, whispering reassuring words in his ear.

The doctor slid into his seat opposite them and quietly began to eat his toast, his gaze subconsciously pinned on the doorway, bracing himself for Pavel’s appearance, but as he ate and Jim made him promise to return as soon as possible if the new CMO couldn’t live up to his standards, the Russian didn’t appear and he felt like his heart lost another piece.

The Commodore appeared as he was getting to his feet but the doctor merely walked away to his lover’s quarters for one last time, hoping they could at the least work through their last minute issues before he really couldn’t postpone leaving anymore.

He knocked on the door and heard a soft yet deeply Russian tinted voice say, “Go away,” causing him to sigh and lean his forehead against the door.

“Pasha…..open the door. Please.”

“Leonard, just go….”

“No we need to talk about this.”

“You’re leaving….vhether it is your choice or not….there is nothing else to be zaid.”

“Yes there is…..Pavel, please don’t make me speak to the door. I’d much rather see your face than a dull metal panel.”

He heard a few sniffles and footsteps towards the door before it slid open, causing him to take a step back. His lover had changed from his uniform into his pajamas, consisting of a pair of baggy pants and nothing else. His face was covered in yet more tears while his eyes were so bloodshot that all Leonard wanted to do was hug him again, which wasn’t a good idea when there was so much to say.

“Pavel…I won’t let myself be dragged off the ship when there things between us are like this. I need to know that you love me enough to hang on and not move on just because I’m somewhere else without you.”

“The Commodore von’t….” Pavel began when the doctor rested his hand on his cheek and pressed a kiss to his lips, consuming his mouth with his tongue and causing the young male to cling desperately to him by wrapping his arms around his waist. McCoy’s thumb grazed a pattern over his cheek and felt the younger male shiver. When they both needed to breathe they inched back and Pavel pulled the doctor into his room, pushing him up against the wall as the door slid closed.

“Leonard….that isn’t fair….” he murmured, his lips brushing the side of his neck.

“Neither is that….please, we really need to talk…before they come looking for me,” McCoy whispered, his hand resting on the small of Pavel’s back to keep him close while his index finger slid up and down his spine.

“Ya lublu tebya, Leonard and I zwear no matter vhere you are, I’m not going to be vith anyone else but you.” Pavel smiled, blushing a little at the closeness between them and the way his back arched at the sensation of Leonard’s rough fingers grazing his skin.

The doctor smiled in return and pressed a small kiss to his lips before there was a bang on the door that had McCoy restraining the urge to groan by closing his eyes and biting his lip while silently cursing the person on the other side of the door for interrupting them.

“Vho is it?” Pavel asked, his lips still grazing McCoy’s neck like he didn’t want to even consider pulling his lips from his skin.

“Ensign Chekov, if Doctor McCoy is in your quarters, will you please tell him he needs to go to the transporter room right now. We’re about ten minutes away from the Xtmprsqzntwlfb station.”

“Of course, zir. I’ll let him know,” Pavel said, his formal tone causing a chill of want to flow through the doctor. What he wouldn’t give to be able to have more time to be with him.

The two waited until they heard the sound of retreating footsteps before meeting each other’s gaze.

“See you soon?” McCoy asked softly, as the Russian pressed a few more kisses to his lips.

“Of course, zend vord to let me know you arrived safely, da?” Pavel whispered.

Reluctantly the doctor nodded and let go of his lover, sliding from between Pavel and the wall. He paused to take one last look at the Russian with a glance over his shoulder before leaving the room.

He slipped into his room to grab his luggage before taking the lift to the transporter room where he found the Commodore and his crew being beamed down. Jim paused once the Commodore was gone to give McCoy a hug and assure him he’d keep an eye on Pavel for him. Despite the jokes exchanged between them to cover his nerves he was glad that someone would be able to watch over his lover.

In a flash of light he was ported onto the station in time to see the Enterprise take off, along with the owner of his heart and soul, into hyperspace. He seriously prayed this wasn’t forever because he honestly wasn’t sure if he could stand it.

_Fin._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Right Beside You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/477870) by [pseudofoucault333](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333)




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